|The Scream by Edvard Munch|
The Scream Peeps by Lisa Johnson
It seems to me now, that she was quite frightened of dying, even though she confessed her sins to her pastor and he exclaimed her absolution, and claimed her path to heaven was assured.
When I held her hand, caressed her cheek and told her softly it was okay to go, the look in her eyes was not blissful. Her body was not peaceful. Her face was a contortion of agony and fear of whatever was to come.
I doubt she was going to hell to be endlessly tortured by demons. But that is what her struggle told me no matter her pastor tried to say otherwise. I simply could not listen to his platitudes, and walked away to be alone with my jumbled thoughts full of the sensory imprints of her last moments.
At the time of her passing and since, my general ambivalence towards organized religion has been smoldering. And today of all days, in my wakeful attentiveness to the past, I can finally put to words what I could not then.
I cannot abide the Christian religion for evoking such fear in my mother's eyes in the moment of her death.
I wonder now if God is annoyed by the curious things growing in this petri dish. Does she frown as she tests her hypotheses over and over and over again (at least 108 billion times thus far)? Or, perhaps, she simply smiles for the blossoms that spring up in the valleys and along the hillsides, and gasps with delight for the variety of shapes and colors and fragrances.
I'd like to think that if there is a God, she is delighted by the beauty of her creation. But oh the hubris of humankind, to think that of all God's creation only we are created in God's image.
How unfortunate that all life on this Earth shall reap the whirlwind of our humankindness. Our deliberate pursuit of self-fulfilling Revelations. Our willful malevolence to hurry along the 6th extinction simply so that the saved can rise to heaven before the pale horseman rides.
Such fervid believers are fooled by our proclaimed leaders who are Christian-in-Name-Only. Grifters and grafters taking all they can because they truly believe money can save themselves and their progeny when the SHTF.
And I'm afraid that too few will avail ourselves of the only grace still available to us, the 99%, in these last 11 years...
|XR symbol based on|
image in the public domain